Four weeks tomorrow my brother died expectantly. I am just starting to get out of the fog that I have been walking through the last four weeks, but I know I am not all of the way out of it yet. There is still another week and a half before we bury him.
My brother died due to a drug overdose (for more info on that check out the Write or Die episode where I talk about it a little more). He had suffered with addiction (a mental health illness) for most of my life, most of his life. When someone you care about dies suddenly it is a complete shock to the system. Though I always feared this would be his outcome I still held out hope that it wouldn’t end this way.
I keep thinking to myself, is there something else that I could have done? Something I could have said? Something I missed?
But ultimately, thinking like that won’t bring him back, it will just keep me in this fog of sadness. I know he loved me. I hope he knew that I loved him too.
What I want to share right now is that if you are struggling reach out. Your family may have created a boundary but they still love you. You are not alone.
If you love someone who is hurting and you don’t know how to help. Reach out. One of the hardest things for me right now is the what ifs. It is the talking with my mom about what could have been done differently. It is hearing how she wishes she did more. That hurt and guilt is not healthy. Though it is normal, it needs to be worked through.
Speak up, be honest, and get help if you need it.
If you are interested in some of the poetry that I wrote as a coping mechanism feel free to join the patreon family. Eventually, I plan to write a book about it.